“If you’ve seen a better picture of a dog dressed as two pirates carrying a treasure chest today, I don’t believe you”
via @chiefbrody1984 / Stellar
Woman: Can I have birth control?
Government: No.
Woman: I got pregnant because I didn't have birth control and I don't want the fetus. Can I have an abortion?
Government: No.
Woman: I gave birth to my child but since I wasn't expecting it, I can't afford daycare. Can I have help paying for it?
Government: No.
Woman: Well, why can't I have birth control?
Government: Because. Sex isn't for recreation.
Woman: It can help regulate my period and benefit me in other ways.
Government: Too bad.
Man: For no reason other than for recreational sex, may I have birth control?
Government: Do you have a penis?
Man: YES, YES I DO!!
Government: WELL HOWDY, VALID CITIZEN. You can buy condoms by the dozens. Here, here's a pack of special condom for "His Pleasure." Oooh, these come in different colours and flavours. Here, try these. They have ribs on them. And this one glows in the dark!! LOL OMG DICK LIGHTSABER!!
Government: But seriously, you're a man. You can do what ever you want.
Woman: But-
Government: Shut up, you sinning, freeloading hussy.
Hey, Sherlockians—want to play a game? A slightly nutty and obsessive but who are we kidding, that’s what we’re here for game?
It’s been a week since The Reichenbach Fall aired. Fans have nearly wrung the episode dry looking for clues and hints about how Sherlock survived. There are a billion theory fragments out there, but they still need to be put together.
Are you brave enough to try? If so, let’s hear your complete theory of what happened from the beginning to the end of Sherlock’s plan to cheat death.
THE RULES:
- Make it as complete as you can. Try not to cheat and leave big gaps in the theory. Even if it means filling holes with things like Sherlock sliding down the neck of a feral giraffe.
- The point isn’t to be right, but rather to just be fearless and go for it. So don’t be wishy-washy. Instead of saying “and then this happened, or maybe this, or possibly that” just choose your favorite alternative and act like it’s the definitive truth.
- You can write your theory, draw it, use screenshots, act it out with puppets… anything that makes you happy.
- Tag your theory post with #REICHENBACH A TO Z so the rest of us can find it.
———
If I am going to ask people to do silly things, naturally I know I must be willing to go first. So you’ll find my best attempt at replicating my current Reichenbach headcanon in the photoset above. Some of the points are based on what I think is solid logic. Others are probably more about what I wish was true. And I expect even in a best-case scenario there’s quite a lot wrong or missing, because that’s just how these things go. But I did my best to follow my own rule and treat every point of the theory as if it were definitely correct.
Some of my ideas are… non-standard… so here’s a reference list of other posts and reblogs from my Tumblr which explain some of the sub-theories more fully:
- The homeless network was on the scene, and the person by the bench was in on it.
- Sherlock’s plan was literally a series of magic tricks.
- The Pink Suitcase Theory: A laundry bin was used to catch Sherlock. There is also a follow-up post in which it I discussed how it could just as easily have been a rubbish bin—or maybe even some other object if you can think of a good reason.
- If you haven’t seen fandom’s discussion of why distance and physics make it impossible for Sherlock to have landed in the truck itself, you should check it out.
- The guy on the bike hit John on purpose. That post also explains why I call him the BMX Bandit. (Hint: No one stopped me. Also, Sherlock is now Angel Summoner and together they fight crime. You know it makes sense.)
- Sherlock’s out-of-character moment was intentionally hyperventilating on the roof.
- Sherlock used the rubber ball he was playing with in the lab to stop the pulse in his arm.
- At the last moment, Sherlock switched places with an accomplice—that wasn’t him being taken into St. Bart’s.
- I am strangely obsessed with the red phone box, but it does kind of make sense as the only place to hide temporarily in that setting.
- I tend to think Molly’s role in the plan was less of a crazy ninja accomplice and more of a mortician. Since she’s a mortician and all. Note that this does not reduce her awesomeness.
So that’s what I think happened. For now. Until somebody else plays the game and convinces me otherwise.
Or if nobody else wants to play, I’ll just stand over here feeling
awkward wrongbrave.———
UPDATE: People are playing, and there is now a master list. If you’d like to submit your Reichenbach A to Z post for the list, go here.
